Blurring the boundaries between love and hate
by Blue eyed fantasies
Summary: Post CoLS. Some people hated each other and some loved each other. It was how the whole world worked. But mix the two together, as Alec had done, and you get a very deadly combination. The deadliest of them all. Please R&R.


**I was feeling extremely depressed late at night when I wrote this so please don't hate me. Yes, I know my mind's fucked up and this whole story is fucked up. Hell, Manus even says at one point: this is so fucked up. So I don't want any reviews telling me that. I already know.**

**Just as a warning, it does not contain a happy ending and there is a slight hint of a lemon (if you can all it that since it's kind of rape) but I didn't really go into details because...I didn't want to go there. It's very raw and is possibly riddled with mistakes but I wanted to upload it before I go to sleep and lose my nerve. It will be a one-shot as you will find out why in the end... Please review. I'm not going to post an AN at the end because I don't want to ruin the 'dramatic ending'. Anyway please, please, please review. :)**

**Don't own the characters apart from Scott Lovelace. I just like to put them through heart break...**

* * *

Love. Such a simple word yet probably the most complicated emotion of all. Most would describe it as the most wonderful feeling of their lives, those who hadn't felt it. For not many had been graced with love's presence, with true love's presence. For true love wasn't the blissful, dreamlike feeling that Alec had expected. It wasn't anything like the movies lead one to believe. In fact it was rather violent and confusing. At first, Alec had felt elated, like he was floating, soaring higher and higher until he could touch the clouds when he was with Magnus. And when he wasn't with Magnus, the world seemed dreary and lifeless, lacking the blazing beauty and vitality that was Magnus Bane. Everything seemed...dull in comparison, the colours faded like old worn photographs and he itched to be back in the arms of his lover, where he belonged, so that he could feel the iridescent glow that surrounded him.

He had fallen right into loves clutches, thinking that it was kind and understanding, thinking that love was his friend. Little did he know that love was the ultimate master of disguises. It could capture a person and snap them in half, mailing their heart to them in an envelope all in the space of a second. Love had it's own interests, it's own needs to fulfil its sadistic desires. Love had not been gentle with Alec Lightwood's heart.

It had tempted it, nourished it, captivated it and, right when Alec left his guard down, snapped it. Crushed it really, into tiny little fragments and scattered it to the very deepest and darkest depths of the earth. Alec had thought he was strong but love had broken him, twisted him and had revelled in every moment of it.

Alec was so twisted that he had gotten a little confused. Well, very confused truth be told. The line between love and hate was very fine and often crossed. Some people hated each other and some loved each other. It was how the whole world worked. But mix the two together, as Alec had done, and you get a very deadly combination.

The deadliest of them all.

For, now, he wasn't really sure if he loved or hated Magnus Bane.

It had been a year and one day since the break-up, since Magnus had told Alec that he never wanted to see him again and thus ripped out his heart and fed it to the vampires. Since then, Alec had wanted nothing more than to end his pitiful excuse of a life and take comfort in the dark oblivion, possibly catch up with his brother Max - it had been a while. But first, he had vowed to say goodbye to his siblings. Big mistake.

As soon as he stumbled into the institute, tears streaming down his face, armed to the teeth, Isabelle had removed all of his weapons. She really did know him well, immediately jumping to the correct conclusion that the two lovers had broken up and Alec was feeling depressed and suicidal. Since then, she had watched her brother extremely carefully. After a month she had taken him off her not so subtle suicide watch. Really, Alec wasn't stupid or deaf and he could hear her very clearly saying to Jace to keep all sharp objects away from Alec. She was right though. At that point in his life, Alec had been desperate to end his life, scrabbling for any means of killing himself. Now though, he'd grown more patient, knowing that if he waited until the right moment, his death would be all the more sweeter.

After a month of being treated like an imbecile, Alec was finally 'released'. He was doing swimmingly until one moth ago when he walked into Taki's to see Magnus sitting in a booth, another shy, blue eyed shadowhunter with his arm wrapped around him. Well, weren't they so darn cute, all gooey eyed over each other. That was what had re-ignited the spark in Alec to end it for good. He just had to wait until the right moment when he could pay Magnus his final visit and officially say goodbye.

* * *

The moment had finally arrived.

Alec slipped out of the window silently due to the runes of silence etched into his skin. His last runes he would ever draw on his skin. He would never need them again, not where he was going.

He noticed with a detached sort of interest that it was raining. The cold only made the numbness of the empty void that once held his heart a more physical pain though. Alec didn't really feel anymore, not since that day in the tunnel.

The streets were empty, not a soul in sight. Alec almost regretted that he hadn't said goodbye to his sister but, if he said that, she would get suspicious and would try to stop him. Alec doubted that anyone could stop him tonight. He was certain that this was the right path, the only future or destiny that awaits him. A voice was constantly whispering in his mind. _do it, do it, do it_. Possibly his conscience, except he didn't have one, not anymore. The rain began pelting down, plastering his hair to his face and dripping like glistening ink. He finally arrived at the apartment block which loomed before him, filled with so many painful memories that only urged him to do the deed faster.

Slowly, he crept to the doorway, brandishing his stele so that he could quickly draw an open rune on the nondescript black doorway. He doubted, somehow, that Magnus would let him in and Alec wondered for a moment if he was there with his new lover, the one that looked uncannily like Alec with the same black hair, blue eyes and shy personality combination that Magnus loved. It made Alec actually shake with rage and despair when he thought that he could be so easily replaced, that the hole he had left in Magnus' heart was a plain, ordinary one that could be filled with just about anyone. The hole Magnus had left in Alec's heart was more of a huge chasm, an aching gap that could only be filled by what he was about to do tonight. He sprinted up the stairs although he still managed to remain silent and placed yet another open rune on Magnus' door. Magnus must have been lazy tonight, because the door slid open easily, obviously bare of the usual locking spells that he usually placed on them.

Cloaked in the darkness, Alec treaded lightly towards the brightly coloured door that he knew lead to the bedroom. His earlier suspicions were proven correct when he he heard the muffled cries coming through the doorway: the sounds of Magnus deep in the throes of passion with another.

This was probably when Alec Lightwood truly left the world, to be replaced with a bitter monster without any morals. The true Alec Lightwood would never resolve at that moment that if he couldn't have Magnus, then no-one else should either. The true Alec Lightwood wouldn't barge down the door, all pretences of silence banished, and storm into the room. The true Alec Lightwood wouldn't pick Magnus' lover up by the hair and slam him into the wall. Because the true Alec Lightwood was gone.

Alec looked deep into the blue eyes that looked the same as his and whispered, "If I can't have him, then neither can you." He quickly unsheathed his seraph blade, the blade glinting wickedly in the dark, called its name and stabbed it right in the boy's heart.

"He never loved you. You just had the misfortune to look. Just. Like. Me," Alec hissed, twisting the blade to accentuate his point with each word.

Magnus screamed, quickly wrapping his kimono around his body and snapping on the lights. He just caught his lover's eye before the blue eyes dimmed, the light going out of them.

Have you ever had to watch the one you love die at the hands of the one you loved?

Magnus watched, silent, as Scott Lovelace's life force drained away onto Alec's hands, tainting him forever.

"What have you become?" gasped Magnus, his voice feather faint as he watched Scott's limp form sag to the ground. Magnus too fell to the ground, sobbing with despair . The scarlet blood ran along the grain of his wood, staining it and, to Magnus, it seemed to be symbolic of how it was staining his mind, his memories, his love. He would never be able to forget this, to erase this terrible sight from his mind.

"I am what you made me," replied Alec, turning around to face Magnus. "You don't need him. He was just there to replace me because he looked like me." And Magnus looked into his eyes, frantically searching for something, anything of the boy that he fell in love with. There was nothing though. This...this creature before him was formed out of hate and bitterness. The dazzling blue eyes that were once filled with love and innocence were now empty and lifeless, showing only hate and corruption. Magnus knew then that his Alexander was gone and that this monster would soon be joining him.

"He was nothing like you," Magnus spat, venom clouding his voice. Sobs wracked his body and he wanted nothing more than to collapse to the ground beside his dead lover and comfort Scott, to hold his dead form in his arms and just cry until there were no tears left. But he was barred by Alec who had moved in a flash of lightening and was throwing Magnus on the bed, pinning him beneath him.

"Love me Magnus, one last time," he whispered, planting kisses over his face and neck.

"No!" hissed Magnus, shoving Alec's weight off him. "I loved you Alexander but I can't love what you've become. You're a monster, an evil monster who just killed my fucking lover! I hate you!" Magnus screamed, thrashing wildly on the bed.

To his surprise, Alec just smiled; a bland, humourless smile. "I'm glad we feel the same way. After all, there is a thin line between love and hate," and he was on top of Magnus again, biting and sucking with more violence and vigour than before until he drew blood.

"You're insane!" whimpered Magnus as Alec ripped away his robe, exposing his naked body. Magnus desperately struggled with him, thrashing and biting back but it only spurred Alec on and the shadowhunter was much stronger than Magnus.

Eventually, Magnus gave in, his body going limp and pliant underneath Alec's body. "Alec, you know this is classed as rape," he whispered, defeat creeping into his voice as Alec began removing his own clothes.

"I don't care," replied Alec as he entered Magnus, pounding in so hard without any warning or preparation that Magnus nearly blacked out from the pain. "I want to make love to you Magnus, one last time and you _will_ love me back." But could it be called making love when there was so much hate and hurt involved? Surely not? With every thrust and moan from Alec, Magnus felt himself die a little more inside each time, his love for the shadowhunter now being consumed by a deep, burning hate. When Alec came inside of Magnus, he'd never felt so dirty and tainted, so used. And as he turned towards the shadowhunter, catching the gleam of the knife in his hand, he knew that this was it: the end.

Alec leaned over so he was looming over Magnus, his eyes bright and beady. He held the knife in one hand and he slowly traced a line down Magnus' arm causing a scarlet ribbon of blood to appear.

"Any final words?" he asked as he began carving something into Magnus' chest, drawing whimpers from the broken warlock.

"Why?" Magnus gasped, looking down to see that Alec had carved a heart over where his heart should be and his name lower down. Alexander Lightwood, carved meticulously into his skin in bold scarlet letters. Even in this maddened state, Alec was skilful and possessive.

"I love you Magnus. But you have brought so much misery to me. You made my life a living hell and had the nerve to be happy with someone else. You broke me and threw me away without a second thought. But if I can't have you, then no-one else can. This is the way it has to be Magnus, I'm sorry," and he plunged the knife in Magnus' chest, dragging it across the heart that he had carved earlier on so that it was now a broken heart, pouring blood. Magnus screamed in agony as the searing hot pain took over his body.

Alec, on the other hand, had never felt so alive. Since the tunnel, he had been dead on the inside, feeling nothing. But now all the hate and love were swirling together in a tantalising combination and he had never felt such a rush of power and emotion.

"I...hate... you...Alec," Magnus managed to gasp out as he felt his life drain away at the hands of his lover.

"I know," replied Alec, tenderly moving a few sweaty strands of hair from Magnus' face whilst the other hand twisted the knife, making Magnus gasp in agony. _This is so fucked up_, Magnus thought. How Alec was lovingly kissing his forehead whilst he ruthlessly murdered him. What was even more fucked up was how much Magnus still loved his murderer, no matter what he did. "I hate you too," Alec whispered, gazing into Magnus' eyes, "But this way, we'll finally be together forever."

And that was the last sight Magnus's beautiful cat eyes saw: Alec's hypnotising blue eyes gazing into his, no hint of sanity in them whatsoever. His lips stained scarlet with Magnus's blood and pulled up into a gleeful grin as he wrenched the knife out of Magnus' heart and plunged it into his own, binding them together in blood and death.

And Magnus' final thought was to never blur the boundaries between love and hate. The consequences were deadly.

The deadliest of them all.


End file.
